Dear Michelle Valentine,

Help! I have just broken up with the third boyfriend I’ve had in the last six months (one of them from my church) for the same reason – strip clubs. I’m almost 30.

Where can I meet decent, grown-up men who are over this nonsense? Where are all the faithful and true men?

I’m tired of little boys.

I Am disgusted

 

Dear Disgusted,

If all three of your last boyfriends frequented strip clubs, you definitely need to overhaul your dating strategy.

Many people – and I am one of them – believe that when a man is committed to a woman, frequenting strip clubs is a form of infidelity. Now, I’m not talking about the occasional bachelor party or “Big-0” number birthday party… I’m talking about men who frequent these places on weekends, or many times they feel they want to be around women.

I will admit… I have gone a few times in my life with girlfriends to clubs that featured “male review shows” for women. I’ve also gone to a club in another country that featured shows of “all nude males”. While they were fun entertainment for bachelorette parties, birthday parties, and “girl’s night out”, I found myself laughing with my friends most of time, simply out of sheer embarrassment and the shock value the performers provided!

All in all, it was fun, but not something I would frequently do for entertainment. I’d rather be out to dinner, traveling to new places, painting, cooking, at the movies, spending time with my family, friends, and pets. So many more quality things to do with your time in life!

Frequenting strip clubs by their boyfriends is a serious issue for most women, as it sounds like it is to you as well. The best way to avoid painful break ups with men who don’t share your values is not to get involved with them in the first place!

If you have had three boyfriends in six months, you are not dating long enough – or enough men – before choosing one great guy and getting bonded. It may sound like a cliché, but some medical studies show that women start to bond the very first time they have sex with a man. Draw a line in the sand between short-term dating and having sex.

Your first dates should include questions about values – and no sex until you know who the guy really is. Three months before getting involved sexually is a good marking point.

You may want to start by asking who their best friends are, how often they get together, what exactly they like to do.

Since you are attracting guys who like strip clubs, find some innocuous way to ask them their attitudes about adult entertainment clubs. If you are driving by one of these establishments, ask him “Have you been in there?” or “How do you feel about going to those places?” in a non-judgmental way. After all, he means nothing to you – yet.

Most men who are not interested in strip clubs will simply tell you they are not. Men who go to the clubs frequently will say something like “Sometimes I go with the guys,” or “Hell, yeah, I love those places!”. If your new guy says something like that, I suggest you move on!

Where are all the faithful men? Right before your eyes – provided you pay attention. My hunch is that you may subconsciously want something paradoxical – a sensitive guy who acts like a playboy, for example. Define your values, and open your heart… you may find the man of your dreams!

Readers:

What are your opinions on this subject?

Do you feel it is a form of infidelity when a mate goes to a strip club?

Have you experienced this situation with a mate? If so, how did you deal with it?

I’d love to hear your responses!

Leave a comment below and let me know!

Love,

Michelle Valentine