Dear Michelle Valentine,
Last year I met a great guy at the beach at Cocoa Beach, Florida, and we’ve been dating ever since.
The problem is, he lives in Atlanta, Georgia, and we only see each other but once a month.
Does our long distance relationship have a chance?
Dee, I Dream of Jeannie
The same factors that make this long distance relationship exciting also make it hazardous. It can be easy to think it’s a great relationship, because you don’t spend consistent quality time together.
When you both have only a weekend – once a month – to spend together, both of you are on your best behavior. It is easy to hide the not-so-terrific sides of your personalities for just 72 hours.
As a result, you never see each other under pressure, facing a life crisis, or feeling out of sorts.
Long distance couples can have a tendency to avoid problem areas in life, which does not make for a true relationship that would last.
Say, you go out to dinner and he says something that truly annoyed you. Rather than confront him (and ruin the special weekend you had looked forward to all month), you will overlook it.
In doing so, you will never learn how to solve problems together, and that is the factor that allows relationships to truly blossom.
Some things you can do next time you’re together should involve doing normal things together (like washing clothes, going out with friends and relatives, working on a home project).
Don’t try to make every moment “rose-colored special.”
The real matter of this situation seems to be that you have been seeing him for a year now, and only once a month.
It’s time to talk about seeing each other more than only once a month.
Perhaps clarify to him – and yourself – what you mean by “have a chance”. “Have a chance” to continue seeing him or “have a chance” this relationship turns into something more?
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? How did you work things out?
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