Dear Michelle Valentine,
Is it possible to be in love with someone when all the while they have no idea how you feel about them?
My best friend is a male, and we’ve had this “special friendship” for the past 3 years.
We go everywhere together (parties, dinner, movies), and we always have a great time.
We even tell each other about the people we’re dating and what happened on our dates.
The problem is that I have fallen in love with him over this past year!
Before, when we would watch movies at each other’s house, it was casual and comfortable; but now I have the urge to reach over and kiss him passionately!
I don’t know if I should do this, because he might hate me forever; and I’ll lose him as my friend!
What should I do?
Movie Lovers (I wish)
This is a very common situation that happens in male/female friendships. Because of the comfortable and close conversations you have with each other; and because the time spent with each other is so easy-going, a special bond does form between the two of you. And that is a truly special bond, just as any other friend or family relationship.
Similar situations also happen to persons who work together on a daily basis in close proximity.
Studies have shown that a good portion of these type of “bond relationships” have favorable endings (or should I say “new beginnings”).
Provided that both persons start a mutual attraction, friendship and/or work relationships can turn into love relationships.
But, if only one person starts to feel the chemistry, and the other person shows none, an uncomfortable situation is in effect. And this is the point that you have reached.
Because your feelings have already taken control over your mind, you must take some sort of action because your friendship is now at risk.
You should consider telling your friend how you feel, and this conversation should be done in a comfortable and quiet atmosphere.
Tell him that you value your friendship, but some other feelings are now in effect.
Be prepared to carefully listen to his response.
He may be taken aback, feeling a sense of loss, and start to withdraw.
Encourage him to tell you his true feelings, and be truthful when you tell him you will respect whatever his feelings towards you are.
If he wishes to maintain just a friendship, you must accept that.
If you cannot, then you might want to reconsider spending so much time with him (or even breaking off the friendship).
Remember that you cannot “make” someone fall in love with you.
On the other hand, he may confess that he’s been in love with you all this time, too, and was afraid to tell you!
So be prepared to end the friendship – or move onto the next step of your friendship, whichever will be beneficial to the both of you.