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Dear Michelle Valentine,
I met a woman a few months ago, and we’ve been dating (gone out on six dates). All the dates seemed to go really well – she asked me out for three of those dates – and we have spoken numerous times on the phone.
Recently she told me that she is unsure if I am the one for her, but she would like to remain friends… like putting me in the “friend zone”.
She was involved in a long-term relationship and, even though it has been over for more than a year, I think she still is not over the fear of being hurt again. I like this person very much and want to continue the friendship.
My problem is that I am also attracted to her physically. Her hand feels great in mine, I love the way she feels in my arms, and I enjoy kissing her. I am sexually attracted to her, but I realize true love takes time.
I also know that you need to be friends first, but I do not know how to proceed because of my attraction.
Paul, via e-mail
Your friend is a girl who cares about you.
I always stress that those seeking relationships should be truthful right from the start.
Thank goodness she has been upfront with you early in the relationship to let you know that she only wants to be friends.
Please realize she has done you a favor in letting you know her true feelings – and as her friend, you need to respect those feelings.
In a way, she is being selfish by keeping you “on a leash” and sort of leading you on. Spending so much time with her will impact your ability and availability to meet someone new.
Just keep her as a good person in your life (perhaps only via phone) while trying to find the girl who is right for you… a girl who will be the one who wants to be more than “just friends.”
Has there been a time when you where put into the “friend zone”? Please leave comment below…
We’ve all had good and bad experiences in our lives. We all have gifts to share… especially the gift of knowledge. My hope is that this week’s advice column empowers you to take (or continue on) the wonderful journeys life has to offer!
Now, I would love to hear from you… Have you – or someone you’ve known – to be in this situation? Or… if not, what advice would YOU give to this letter-writer? Yes, more than one answer is allowed – but I’m truly curious as to what made your heart pound the most.
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With so much love and appreciation,