Dear Michelle Valentine,
My job requires a lot of travel to conferences and conventions across the country, and often with male coworkers. I’ve been with this company for over 5 years and enjoy my work tremendously.
My boyfriend has begun to accuse me of sleeping with my co-workers and other men at the conventions, which isn’t true. He’s gotten completely irrational lately, and I even found him going through my suitcase when I got back from my last trip!
What can I say or do to make him calm down his jealousy?
First, find out if he thinks of himself as someone who gets jealous easily – he could be trying to relate to another relationship he had that resulted in infidelity.
If so, talk with him and ask him what your can do to make him feel secure with your relationship with him.
Be certain you relate to him gently that this will be the only time you will dedicate to resolving his insecurities, and this is not a trait you admire in him, nor have time for. If he says he’s never been “the jealous type”, consider if things have changed recently between the two of you.
Are you perhaps neglecting him and not spending as much time with him anymore because of your traveling?
Tell him clearly that traveling for your work is necessary, and ask what you can do to make it easier on him while you’re away. What about introducing him to your co-workers? Let him get to know them as professional working men who are on the same team as you to get projects completed successfully.
If nothing you do helps his situation, I think you need to reevaluate this relationship.
Insecure men eventually get more possessive, and are sometimes prone to eventual violent behavior.
Even if he does not seem capable of these personality traits, do you really want to be with a man who is not supportive of your career and who is incapable of having faith in you? Only your heart can decide.