Dear Michelle Valentine,

I have 16 more guys (out of 19), to call back who responded to my online dating profile!

I’m pretty busy with my job, and calling back all of these men has turned into like a part-time job for me!

It’s been a lot of fun, but I found myself having half-hour conversations with the first 3 men, and I really only liked one of them.

I need a shortcut way of how to screen these men over the phone to not waste our time.

What do you suggest I do?

Angie, Orlando

Dear Angie,

Sounds like you need to do a little more planning to save time on the phone!

Start by creating a pre-written list of the essential credentials you are looking for in a man.

At the top of your list should be not only the most important “non-negotiable” qualities you want, but also list qualities that you do not want.

One of the good things about using online dating to find your mate is that you get to screen out people with qualities you don’t want, BEFORE you get involved.

You can do this pre-screening in a shorter phone conversation.

For example, your personal short list might be:

1. Within 10 years of your age
2. Financially responsible
3. Good education
4. Likes to play sports
5. Truly unattached and single (and seeking a serious relationship)
6. Positive disposition (about job, ex-wife, family – no victim mentality)
7. No addictions to drugs, alcohol, smoking, or gambling
8. With or without children
9. Depth of religious beliefs

The voice mail message they leave for you is like a pile of resumes; you are only going to call back the guys that make the first cut.

Second, you want to make a list of questions based on your desired criteria.

Start with the easy, non-negotiable to save time: is he married, or involved with anyone else?

Open ended questions take longer; but are great for understanding attitudes and values.

Here are some questions you can ask:

• Tell me about your job… Do you like it? Why?
• What do you do for fun on the weekends?
• How often do you go out with your friends to bars?
• How do you feel about drinking or gambling in excess?
• How is your relationship with your ex-wife?
• How is your relationship with your immediate family?
• Do you play any sports? Which ones?
• And so on…

Finally, prepare in advance what to say to let some of the guys down gently.

For example, he might tell you on the first three questions that he isn’t divorced yet, he would rather watch TV than play sports and hates socializing.

A nice way to end that phone conversation of someone you are not interested in is to say, “You know that’s something that is really important to me, and I don’t really think we are a match. But thank you so much for answering my profile, and good luck to you!”