This post contains affiliate links, which we earn commission from, at no cost to you.
Dear Michelle Valentine,
I’ve reached the panic stage of being in my late thirties and not married yet. I really do want to find someone and settle into a nice family life, but my friends and family tell me I’m just being too picky.
That may be true, but I don’t want to get stuck with someone for the rest of my life if he isn’t perfect.
I have high standards and don’t feel that I should accept less, but maybe I should just lower my standards and get married soon.
There is an assumption that if a single woman lowered her expectation a notch or two, she’d fall in love the very next day!
But… not all your standards can or should be negotiable.
Like my friend Renee, who married a prominent engineer, said: “Well, excuse me but how can my standards be too high? They’re MY standards and they’re what means happiness to me.” She was right.
Of course, some demands – like, that he be handsome, well-sculpted, 6’1”, is a multi-millionaire, and that he has a beach house in Cancun – are unrealistic.
But the values you seek in another human being – that he be humorous, loves children, is very kind – should not ever be considered ridiculous or unrealistic.
ACCEPTING less in a man – say if he is rude, inconsiderate, has no sense of career direction or not employed, or other characteristics that cause you unhappiness – is placing your standards too low.