Dear Michelle Valentine,
I have been in a steady relationship with my guy for nearly 2 years now. I am completely in love with him, and I know he loves me, but I’ve reached the point of “Where do we go now?”
He hates talking about it, and he does everything to avoid the conversation and changes the topic whenever I bring it up. He always seemed completely uninterested when I mentioned about engagement rings and unique marriage proposals. I get so hurt when he just shrugs it all off.
I love him, and want to marry him (complete with the house, 2.5 kids, and the pet dog). I dream of our life together in the future, but he just seems to avoid the whole marriage thing.
Christmas has already come and gone, as well as New Year’s Eve. These would have been perfect times to have asked me to marry him!
Should I just tell him, “Let’s go pick out an engagement ring”?… and if he doesn’t want to, give him an ultimatum? Like, engaged by Valentine’s Day? Please help.
Carrie, via email
So you are completely in love with a man who continually avoids your feelings, wishes, and future desires? And he shrugs off notions of your vision of your future life together?
The concern is not if he loves you, but how MUCH does he love you… enough to be happy for now as his “Miss Right Now”… or fully enough to consider you his wife?
As hard as it may be, you may need to reconsider this man as having as your future husband.
When there is one person in a relationship who desires more (which is a normal feeling after 2 years of a steady relationship), it should be a time of reflection of where to go next.
On the other hand, though, could you be just getting too pushy on him, thus scaring him away from the whole thing? “Demanding” he pick out a ring for you, and “demanding” an ultimatum date just may be a bit harsh for him.
He could love you tremendously, and maybe he does wish to marry you, but he may see your current action as a glimpse of the future (life with a pushy wife). Perhaps there are other issues he has, such as financial problems or not reaching his career goals yet?
I suggest you have a nice, non-pressure conversation with him over a wonderful candlelit dinner, and talk to each other as adults who love each other. This is the exact time to determine what you should do next.
Hopefully, he will tell you he loves you and wants to marry you. If he states he wants to marry you, then it is important he provide you with a clear time frame. If not, he is stringing you along, and you are wasting your time. Please let me know what happens!
We’ve all had good and bad relationships. My hope is that this week’s advice column empowers you to continue on the wonderful times your relationship has to offer!
Now, I would love to hear from you… Have you – or someone you’ve known – to be in this long-term dating situation? Or… if not, what advice would YOU give to this letter-writer? Yes, more than one answer is allowed – but I’m truly curious as to what made your heart pound the most.
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With so much love and appreciation,