Dear Michelle Valentine,
I married my husband hoping to moderate his wild ways, which includes his habit of consuming huge quantities of alcohol and going to topless bars with his buddies from work.
I am worried that he will smash our car into some innocent motorist at 2:30 a.m. some night!
I have the opportunity to meet other men, and I’m wondering if I should pursue an extramarital relationship or simply get a separation?
There are so many issues going on here:
Your dissatisfaction with your inability to change your husband’s behavior;
the legal and financial worries if your husband were to get into an auto accident;
diminished quality time with a husband who chooses to stay out well past the usual after work happy hours;
his consistent visits to establishments that are conducive to your vision of a happy marriage;
and last but not least your desire to add to the pile of problems by bringing another man into the picture!
I suggest that you have a serious sit-down discussion with your husband – when both of you are in a calm state of mind – and give him an ultimatum:
Change his “wild ways” or you may have to consider leaving him.
I don’t know how long you have been married, but he may need a serious jolt to wake him up if he values your marriage.
If he continues to disregard your well-being, he gave you no choice but to be forced to move on.
And, please, do not even consider bringing a child into this marriage hoping that might be a way to get him to moderate his behavior.
Have you been in a relationship with a drinking, strip-club-visiting husband or boyfriend?
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